Just about two minutes ago I had a realization. I don't need straight A's. I just don't need them. So what if I get straight A's for the rest of my high school career? That will that accomplish? I won't be valedictorian anyways. Maybe it's time for me to get my first B... ever. It's going to happen this semester, I can sense it. Why bother maintaining my perfect transcript.
What I realized is that I should be spending time on the things that I love to do. And at about two a.m. last night/ this morning I decided that maybe what I do when I procrastinate is my passion. When I'm avoiding my homework, I enjoy cleaning, reorganizing, an redecorating my room. I mapped out my walls and sketched where I want to put shelves and whatnot around my room. I think it's marvelous how each item has it's own place to be. I never want to stop having ideas about how I can improve a setting, or a life. I think that helping others is instrumental to a good well being.
Back to school, I just don't think that having an A in every class is worth it anymore. There's always going to be someone ahead of me. I wish I knew what goes through people's heads when they know that I've never had a B on a report card before. Progress reports mean nothing, but a legit report card. I know that I'm not going to be rejected by a college if I get a 4.3 instead of a 4.5. I want to find myself right now. I don't know what I can do. Like if I want to peruse a career in interior design, what's anatomy going to help me with? I've always taken the hard classes because being smart and going to college is the right thing to do. Well nobody ever told me what there is at college, all of the different options and varying opportunities I have. This kind of awful, sleepless, trudging school experience is no fun. I want excitement and a place where I can express myself. I can't picture myself at a computer desk for eight hours day after day. I refuse that life.
So if the next time I post about report cards or grades is when I have a B+ because it was a 89%, I won't be sad or disappointed. I'll be glad that I dared myself to get a B. It's ridiculous the amount of stuff my teachers let me do, as in turning late work in without a penalty. I think I've been daring them to punish me for it. Well I'm thinking that if I get a B then I don't have to put the pressure on myself anymore to keep straight A's. I always have been the one to push myself, not my parents. I'll be deserving of whatever grades I get this semester. They'll reflect my performance and I'll be proud of myself no matter th outcome because I've learned so much in other areas of my life that school isn't the most important thing to me anymore, my own personal development and happiness is.
This was mostly about accepting it now, last year I would've flipped out. But that's the great thin about growing up, our perspectives are ever changing. I conclude this with genuine serenity.
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