Introducing Me

     Hmm... I really don't know how well this is going to work out but I'm really excited to be starting something like this. It should be nice putting my thoughts down and actually sharing them with whoever wants to read them. I like writing but I've never been brave enough to let people see what I write. Hopefully I stick with this because at the moment this seems like a really good idea. I want to put anything on here an hopefully have it be something that anyone can look at and either relate to or enjoy seeing. I apologize in advance if things don't make any sense.
     First of all, I'm going to just throw it out there that I'm at a point in my life where I'm extremely confused. I'm sixteen and am going to be a senior in a matter of months who's expected to know what she's supposed to do with her future. That's nowhere near where I'm at. I don't know what I want to do, like AT ALL, therefore I don't know what to major in leading to knowing where I want to go to college. Very stressful when the only small talk with adults is about college. I simply do not know and frankly I don't even want to know until it happens. I've had my share of major meltdowns about this subject- the screaming, crying, and the thought of not even waning to go to college because of all this stress. I happen to be the oldest kid in my family, which stinks in this situation because I get to go through all of this first; a procrastinator, which was super fun missing an SAT sign-up deadline, and terrifies me because of the hundreds of deadlines I'll have to keep up with next year; and an extremely indecisive person, making picking something that I'll have to stick with for my life really difficult, plus the fact that I don't have a favorite subject and am fairly equal  at them all doesn't make it any easier to choose a major.
     Another thing is that I think I might have a seasonal depression thing but I'm not positive. I just know that for the past two years during the January/ February time of year I get really sad and depressed where I cry a lot and  feel worthless and hopeless. It's not a fun time. I have several thins that I'd written during those times and will probably end up posting them.
     Well, I feel like I'm just in this quest to find myself. Being a teenager it's probably really common to feel like this but I can't really help it. I'd just like to be happy, but I don't exactly know what makes me happy. If I didn't have friends to talk to about some of this stuff I think I'd've given up on everything by now. I don't have one person who I confide in about everything so I let it out by writing my thoughts down. I have many goals in life but there's an awful break between where I'm at now and where I see myself then. The hard part is trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do to fill the gap with something worth while. Maybe this blog will help me out.